Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

TV's top hosts used their evening ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just launched immigration program, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a obvious pay-to-play arrangement for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Pointed Spin

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he handles."

The subject was the new plan that allows overseas individuals to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of one million dollars, with a "platinum" version for 5 million. The program's portal guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One note for you to rich foreigners: before you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, with large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a property of your selection – as long as it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The best background check the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll ratings amid financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to tackle prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.